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Sent to me in an email from a friend. :laughing

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will receive an economic stimulus.

It is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format:

Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.

Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money, then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.

Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.

Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* if you spend it on gasoline, it money will go to the Arabs.
* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

(1) Spending it at a yard sale or thrift shop, or
(2) Going to a ballgame, or
(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
(4) Beer, or
(5) Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day
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