Help is out there folks.
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Thread: Help is out there folks.

  1. #1
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    Help is out there folks.

    I usually stick to lighthearted stuff. However, I made a promise to a friendís family to help pass on information.

    I just lost a high school buddy who took his own life. He was a service vet with a bevy of mental concerns. But, an honest loyal friend.

    His family tried keeping tabs on him. Checking in often, etc.

    Listen folks, no matter how low we feel, thereís help. One only needs to ask. 1-800-273-TALK (8255) is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. No judgment. No lectures. Just help.

    Call a friend, family member, someone. Such an avoidable loss. This dude was there for me 30 years ago when I thought I had no one.(bad breakup) He was going through his own separation. I wish heíd have reached out so I could return the favor.

    Seriously, itís an option that leaves people behind with questions that will never be answered. You donít have to love yourself, but if you love any of them in the slightest, get help.

  2. #2
    Distinguished Member joecarry's Avatar
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    Agreed. Very sad.
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  3. #3
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    Sorry for the loss of your friend and yes, reaching out to someone who is in a very dark place is something that everyone should be thinking about.
    -BH

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  5. #4
    Distinguished Member Earl 007's Avatar
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    Sorry about your friend, it is really hard to know if someone is just having a few bad days or ready to give up.
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  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Earl 007 View Post
    Sorry about your friend, it is really hard to know if someone is just having a few bad days or ready to give up.
    It’s easy to place the blame on ourselves to be honest.Did we miss the signs. We all knew he was in a dark place. But, honestly, that was kind of normal for him. As I say, he ended up with some scathing mental issues. I know of some of his experiences. Probably more than I’m supposed to know. He was a combat vet from his first tour in Desert Shield to Afghanistan over a career. But, for obvious reasons, he never went into much detail. I just know he saw some . The IED threat and guerrilla ambush tactics over there really scrambles the noodle apparently.

    It was the dissolving home life that seems to have sent him off the rails.

    His daughters are hoping to use this as a way to develop awareness of ways to get help.

    I’ve lost plenty of friends and family at this point. God gives us people in our lives. I’ve reached that age where I’m fast realizing eventually, we have to give them back. This one just shook me to the core. I spent a lot time with this cat in my youth. Including a drunken brawl where I broke his nose when I thought for certain he had stolen my blanket during a winter skiing trip. (He hadn’t, it had fallen on the floor. )
    Last edited by RadTek; 01-09-2020 at 01:28 AM.

  7. #6
    Distinguished Member FfNJGTFO's Avatar
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    First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Second, there are some signs to look for. But it depends on how well you know the person. And it may not be a terribly quick transition, either.

    My Godmother was 80 years old. She knew she was starting to suffer, neurologically and also physically (balance, etc.). She was living alone and had fallen in a bathtub and, apparently, had languished there for a few days when someone from the COOP board came to check on her. They got her to a hospital. From there, she started to deteriorate quickly, neurologically... Or so it seemed. She stopped eating. We even tested her by buying take out from some of her favorite restaurants, and she'd just let it sit there for several days... to be thrown out eventually (this, so she couldn't blame the bad "hospital fare"). She'd fail all of her physical/occupational therapy tests. It looked like she was starting to progress rapidly in her dementia... Still, she recognized every one who came to see her in the hospital and then in the "care facility." And she demonstrated that she could still think when interacting with family/friends (ie. no medical personnel/therapists around). It became clear to all of us who knew her best, what was going on. She thrived on being strong, independent and living alone. And she knew the dementia was coming eventually and that she'd never be able to return to that life. Thus, she decided it was time to go. She would not do anything so drastic like shoot/poison/hang/injure herself fatally, but she knew that starving herself to death would blend in with the whole dementia thing. And that's how it happened. Nothing would stop her. And nothing did.

    Point being, when you see signs like this, it should be a wake up call. If you see people getting "things in order" in their life that never did so previously... If you see someone that normally appears "stressed out," suddenly become very calm and peaceful, it could be a sign that they've made a decision.


    Check up on them. You could just save their life.

  8. #7
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    That is excellent advice and wisdom FfNJGTFO.

    Unfortunately, weíve been in separate states off and on for years. We spoke regularly. But, I wasnít there to see his daily activity. I canít speak for his family. They were strained due to a divorce. But, I think at least one daughter hung around him regularly. I traveled several times up there, last trip was just after thanksgiving. Other than his trying to get accustomed to a tiny apartment his wife having kicked him out, I didnít notice anything off. But, Iíll always wonder if I missed something....a spiraling of any kind. He was retired Officer and a smart dude. He could conceal a lot.

    Iíve known people who took this way out, but only barely. This first I knew well and itís haunting. But..... This is life. And there are things we cannot control. This is one Iíll have to accept.

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